I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize