Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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