and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The Olympian is in my bed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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