I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
