try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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