i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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