My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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