'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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