I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
