Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
