She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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