You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
