i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
