Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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