When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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