I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
