A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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