like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
