do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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