sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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