dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
