i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
