Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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