Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
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yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize