my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
