i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
