I look better un-naked...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
