So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Never joke about your clitoris.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
