i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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