I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
