you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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