im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
