if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
