dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
