I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
