I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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