i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
