When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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