I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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