I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
