What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
