we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
