Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
