operation have a gay friend backfired
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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