He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
