the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize