Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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