now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
