I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
