It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
