I'm really into asian looking animals
If that was your dad, he is hot
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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