Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
