I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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