Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
