thus making me awesome and them whores
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
