If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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