ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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