remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize