Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
