yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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