wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
