i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
