Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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