This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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