My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
