Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
