Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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