I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
